Let me paint you a picture.
You’re in the United States. A country where you can find 23 types of hummus, 47 flavors of sparkling water, and an entire aisle dedicated to cereal that turns your milk blue. You think: “Surely, somewhere in this abundance, I can find a decent piece of Dutch cheese or a proper stroopwafel.”
You would be wrong.
The Great Dutch Food Disappearance Act
Here’s the confusing part: the Netherlands is the second-largest exporter of food in the world. SECOND. Right behind the United States itself. We basically feed half the planet.
And yet… walk into an average American supermarket and try to find something Dutch.
You’ll find:
- Italian pasta ✔️
- French cheese ✔️
- Mexican everything ✔️
- Korean BBQ marinades ✔️
Dutch food?
Crickets. Maybe a sad “European section” with one lonely stroopwafel box from 2019.
It’s like we’re exporting all our food… just not to the place where I happen to live.
The Case of the Missing Gouda
Let’s talk cheese. Because if there’s one thing the Dutch absolutely nailed, it’s cheese.
You go into a U.S. grocery store and see “Gouda.”
Ah, finally!
You take a bite… and suddenly realize this is not Gouda. This is… cheese that once heard about Gouda from a friend.
Real Gouda is rich, slightly sweet, sometimes nutty, and ages like a fine wine. What you often get in the U.S. is a polite, rubbery interpretation that tastes like it’s afraid to offend anyone.
And don’t even get me started on Beemster cheese — an actual award-winning masterpiece, crowned among the best cheeses in the world. Finding it in the U.S. feels like spotting a unicorn casually shopping at Target.
Beer, Beer Everywhere… Except the Good Stuff?
Now let’s move to beer.
The Netherlands is a major beer exporter. You’ve probably heard of Heineken — it’s everywhere. Airports, bars, questionable backyard parties… Heineken has done its job.
But here’s the issue: Heineken is like the Dutch ambassador who only shows up in a suit and never tells you how fun the country actually is.
Where are:
- The rich Belgian-style Dutch ales?
- The quirky craft brews?
- The beers that make you say, “Wow, I didn’t know the Dutch could do this”?
Instead, it’s just Heineken standing there like:
“Yes, hello. I represent all of Dutch beer culture.”
No offense, but… that’s like judging Dutch cuisine based only on plain boiled potatoes.
So What’s Going On?
Why is this happening?
A few likely culprits:
1. Branding (or lack thereof)
The Dutch are great at producing food… less great at shouting about it. Italians don’t just sell pasta—they sell la dolce vita. The Dutch sell cheese like:
“Here. It’s efficient. Enjoy.”
2. Geography and influence
The U.S. food scene has been heavily shaped by immigration. Italian, Mexican, Chinese—huge cultural footprints. Dutch immigration? Smaller, quieter, probably already at home eating cheese without making a fuss.
3. Export priorities
We export massive quantities—but often as ingredients, bulk goods, or to nearby regions like Europe. Not always as branded “Dutch experiences” on U.S. shelves.
4. American “interpretation”
Some Dutch foods do exist here… just heavily adapted. Stroopwafels are now sold next to protein bars. Gouda is mild enough for a kindergarten lunchbox. Somewhere, a Dutch grandmother is shaking her head.
The Emotional Toll (Yes, It’s Serious)
There’s a very specific kind of homesickness that hits when:
- You crave real cheese and can’t find it
- You try to explain hagelslag to Americans and they call it “breakfast sprinkles”
- You realize the closest thing to Dutch food nearby is… pancakes (but not even the right kind)
It’s tough out here.
A Modest Proposal
America, listen. You already embraced:
- Avocado toast
- Bubble tea
- Oat milk
You’re ready.
Let us introduce you to:
- Proper aged Gouda
- Real Beemster
- Bitterballen (trust me, just go with it)
- Actually good Dutch beer beyond the green bottle
We’re not asking for much. Just a small section in the grocery store. Maybe a flag. A tiny windmill. Some respect.
Final Thought
The Netherlands feeds the world… but somehow forgot to pack lunch for the United States.
Let’s fix that.
Because once Americans get a real taste of Dutch food, there’s no going back.
And maybe—just maybe—you’ll finally understand why we never stop talking about cheese. 🧀
