Let’s talk about coleslaw, shall we? Or as we Dutch would call it: koolsla. But let’s be honest, no one in the Netherlands actually eats it. I mean, have you ever met a Dutch person who says, “Oh, lekker! A big bowl of shredded cabbage with mayonnaise!”? No. It doesn’t happen. And yet, somehow, this dish has made its way across the Atlantic and become a staple in the United States. How did this happen? Who is responsible? And, most importantly—why?
First of all, let’s address the obvious. Yes, the word “coleslaw” comes from the Dutch “koolsla,” which literally means “cabbage salad.” But just because we invented the word doesn’t mean we ever planned to eat it. This was clearly some kind of clerical error in the grand scheme of culinary history. Like someone misheard us talking about it once and thought, “Oh wow, the Dutch must love this stuff!” We don’t. We really don’t.
Now, in America, coleslaw is everywhere. It’s a side dish, a burger topping, sometimes even a main event. Barbecues, diners, fast food joints—you can’t escape it. It lurks on plates next to ribs, fried chicken, and pulled pork, quietly judging you. And the worst part? Americans like it. No, they love it. They talk about “good coleslaw” versus “bad coleslaw” like it’s some kind of fine art.
I’ve tried coleslaw in the U.S. multiple times, thinking maybe I just hadn’t had the right one yet. Surely, there must be some hidden magic in this cabbage concoction that I was missing. But no. Every time, I was met with the same cold, limp strands of disappointment. Too sweet, too creamy, or—God forbid—vinegary. The horror.
The real kicker? When I tell Americans that Dutch people don’t actually eat coleslaw, they refuse to believe me. “But it’s Dutch you told me!” they say, as if that’s some kind of ironclad argument. Look, just because something has Dutch origins doesn’t mean we all sit around enjoying it. Otherwise, we’d be stuffing ourselves with stroopwafels and hagelslag 24/7. (Actually, that part could be true, but that’s not the point.)
So, dear Americans, you can keep coleslaw. We won’t fight you for it. Just don’t expect us to take credit for the crime against cabbage that has become your national obsession. And if you ever want to experience actual Dutch cuisine, I’ll be happy to suggest you when you are visiting the Netherlands to try bitterballen, stamppot, or a proper broodje haring. But coleslaw? Nee, bedankt.
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